I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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