Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
