I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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