I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize