no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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