So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
