I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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