Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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