Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
