I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
