perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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