I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
