STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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