cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize