Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
