Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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