No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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