the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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