so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
