porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize