whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
