I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize