dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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