I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
