I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
