he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
