That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
