i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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