I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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