Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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