okay pat passed out under dana's car
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
