Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
