Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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