We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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