I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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