No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
