he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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