found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
