We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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