260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
