i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
