Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
whose parrot is this?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
