just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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