I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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