Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
