dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
