I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
