he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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