I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
