is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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