I think im going to throw up on grandma
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Randomize
