the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
