Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
