I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
