I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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