Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
