either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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