Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
