So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
