I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
