Do you still have your period?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
