great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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