So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
