my mouth tastes like poor choices
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I still have a little drunk in my system
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
