One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just want nice things and good sex
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
