if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
