My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
