His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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