I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
