apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
