Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
What a dumb baby whore.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Randomize
