and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
